Chris (cru) wrote,

Fire Marshall Bill

More craziness to tell you all about. It seems to be happening more and more frequently. The increasing occurence of these "significant" events could be signaling a major change for the human race. Read Kurtzweil's Age of Spiritual Machines if you want to know what I'm talking about. And don't you ever disrespect me.

So me and five close friends decided to head up to Tahoe on Saturday, for some gambling, drinking, carousing, more drinking and more gambling. We get there around 6, hang out in our room for a few minutes drinking some beers, bringing about a head-change, and then head off to dinner. We tried to go to Jason's, which is I guess the hot spot for dinner in North Shore, but it was packed with a 40 minute wait so we cross the street to "Las Panchitas". Nice family restaurant. I ordered the "belly buster" which was anything but. Good special sauce though. We also saw some guy walk in with his family and order for his wife -- super tough, too. Picture David Hasselhoff with straight blond hair, and an air about him that just convinces you that he beats his wife AND his kids, and that's this guy. Justin, possibly in a sign of things to come, yells out to the guy "good job, buddy!" as soon as he gets done ordering his wife's carnitas. Anyway, so we bounce, drive back to Cal-Neva where we stayed, and walk over to the Biltmore.

Now, casinos in North Shore always leave a little to be desired, they're small, they stink and most of the time you're gambling with Grandma and Grandpa in from Missouri. We play some craps, I go up about 100 thanks to Huot's hot hand with the dice and then promptly lose all the winnings. Awesome, I'm such a sick-ass gambler I can hardly stand it. So we gather up the cr&;e and head across the street to the Crystal Bay casino. Actually it was never referred to by its proper name, only simply "Cristal". We walk in and I'm immediately impressed. It's very small, but they have a really cool bar, a live band playing all kinds of old school shit, and a pretty live craps table. I love craps, it's one of my, ahem, few vices. So we get caught up playing for awhile, bankroll fluttering like an old man on life support, drinking like we just crossed the Sahara.

A few of us didn't have the cash necessary to gamble it away and have fun, so they just chilled in the bar and proceeded to get nice and saucy. I put down the dice for a little while and hang at the bar with Laysia and Justin, drinking and checking out the band, among other things ;). Now, it's probably around 11pm by now, not late by any means, but we're proceeding towards rarity with breakneck speed. Some 30-ish girls are in the bar, and one of the bigger ladies approaches us for some dancing -- Needless to say our judgement is slightly affected. So I take off for a few more drinks and some more dice ... losing more than I'm winning, I pulled 200 from the ATM at the start of the night and I'm down to 80. Time for another drink from the bar; "Cristal" is not living up to it's name. The Long Islands I was getting at the craps table tasted like Isla Fubar and I needed a kick. I hang out with the boys who are enmeshed in some semblance of a conversation with one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen. To be fair, her friends were hot, but isn't the way it always works? Kinda like a wingman in reverse. I don't understand women. Never will.

Anyway, when I finally make it back to the craps table, I'm the only one in sight. I say to myself, goddamn, if you can't win on yourself then what do you have in life? I quickly lose $20. I put down another $20, prepared to lose that too and go home with my tail between my legs -$160. And then the heavens opened up, and behold, the gods smiled upon me and I ended up walking out of there +$400.

Alright are you still with me? Here's where the party really starts. We head back to the hotel for a quick break, maybe to head to the baby Nugget, maybe to go to bed, I'm not sure, but the point is we were getting ready to regroup. We reach the hotel room and Justin is so drunk he can barely get the room key out of his wallet. So he stumbles around some more and falls on the ground, kicking his legs and screaming racial slurs at us, who just wanted to inhale a little and kick back. So we finally get the card away from him, open the door and get inside. By this time Huot and J are jawing back and forth, Huot throws a good slap at Justin, who at this point I will pass judgement on and say that he deserved it ... So Justin retaliates by kicking Huot square in the nuts just about as hard as I've ever seen anyone kicked. Huot falls to the ground, hand down his pants Al Bundy style and passes out cold. We're laughing and stunned all at the same time.

And then Justin leaves the room. I hear a knock about 30 seconds later, followed by approximately 7 seconds of dead silence. Then a huge white cloud of vaporous material comes streaming into the room from underneath the door. WTF? Actually I didn't spend too long thinking about it, I knew what it was right away. But I figured a harmless (well, maybe slightly-less-harmful) prank was under way, we would endure a short blast and that would be the end. But wouldn't you know it, Justin emptied the entire contents of that fire extinguisher into our room. I couldn't see the other end of the room it was so thick. Me, Huot and Laysia are hanging our heads out the window, trying to get a blow and McC goes barreling out of the room looking for Justin. He finds him at the end of the hall, and J, in his infinite wisdom, makes a smart ass remark about us locking him out or something. McC just loses it and hits him in the face, knocks him to the ground. Justin picks up a coffee pot from a room service tray and brains McC with it and they wrestle for a few more seconds before security, apparently fully appraised of our situation, comes barreling out of the elevators to seperate them.

And once again, long story long, Justin gets charged about $500 in damages to our room, we get kicked out of the hotel, and are forced to head home. It was a crazy night but winning 400 dollars goes a long way towards changing a guy's constitution. I can't wait until we go again.

And oh yeah. I saw Primus last night in Davis. They suck!!!
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